I had to sell my house I could not afford it so put it on the market 3 months after he passed, sold it and moved 6 months after my life had be turned upside down. He was my first love. Still in a trance i suppose on autopilot she was only 52. We were married 47 years and he was my best friend. After four years later I am now dealing with unresolved grief as well. This is my second year and I am having the same thoughts. I wish that I could help. Im just beginning my second year after losing my husband of 50 years. I just want to say this to you and I know you wont like but I know you know Im right! Looking forward to days with joy again. The first year was missing my wife and being sad for my daughters. Those are two very different relationships but the loss is felt for both. Very first time I laid my eyes on my bf I was in love. My husband died at home just over one year ago. Its been 2 years 4 months and 18 days since I lost my husband unexpectedly He was only 59 and super fit. I found an app called headspace that has a grief course of 3 sections of 10 days each 30 days of mindfulness/ meditation sessions. I feel exactly the way you do. Take care. But I loved you, and always will. Any suggestions. I left the hospital without my child and a shirt with all her blood on it. I have no one else in this world. It all came back like it was the first few days after he passed. I cant afford to say in house but can afford 1k a month either. He was 45, and had suffered no symptoms until is was far too late. Sometimes he can't sleep at night and stay wide awake at 4am thinking about her. I constantly think of him and cry because our 55 years together made us so close and we even got to think alike after all that time. That loss, and pain will ease, and of course we break down and cry. The pain comes in waves. I do not want to do any of these things. I feel that its not fair to her or myself. He was honestly the best thing that ever happened to me life was finally good. i thought i was getting a bit better getting on with things and losing the 3 stone i put on. I am lost and have no confidence anymore. I fight to have a normal life for my daughter. I know your husband is with you in spirt. My journey is about making a meaningful life, and you can. Since the Love of my life of 41 years..went to Heaven. Maybe its some physical thing. i feel so much for you all > I lost my husband after being married 50 years . I look forward to a time when it may ease, but for now i am grateful to read others experiences. I lost the love of my life 11 months ago. Its heart breaking One of our dogs (Milo) a king Charles took a stroke two months before and died. I pray to the Lord that he treats you as kindly as you treated us. I still cry daily but Im told thats not how it is for everyone. Very hard for us left behind. In this second year, I am torn between selling our home and moving (where I do not know). And then there are days where I can't believe that it has been this long. im old hahahaha Caregiver for close to 8 years. If DATEDIF produces a result in an unexpected format, ensure that no pre-existing format has been applied to the cell. I too have completely lost my fear of the dark or being on my own. That;s When your spouse dies, your world changes. In July 2016, we decided to move to Wichita so he could closer to his family. I take one step then the next then the next. I share everyones pain expressed here. i am thankful for ever day . Patience and gentle reflection can help you and your family heal from the pain of losing a pet. If I could have taken all her pain for her, I wouldve. So not get confused by readings and spiritual books, everything you need to know you already know AND if I get to the end of my life and there isnt anything else but being reunited graveside and no knowledge of it, I still will feel better for the illusion of togetherness than the reality of separation. But speaking for myself I had to change focus, take the focus off him and onto those left behind. The reply by this self-titled old guy might just change the way you approach life and death. People say that time heals every pain. i wish all of you well, and know i ache for you and your losses. It feels like a couple weeks ago she was just here. It was he and I for 37 years. not ever! Him and I were very close. Result: 660,116 days. I pray for you and your recovery! I hope your find strength in coming months x. Hi. I hate her for that sentence. It was now our turn to enjoy life-she 62-me 64. I am 75, married 44 years to the sweetest , caring man one could ask for. It was discovered that he had Guianne Barre disease that has been proven to be caused by this shot. I lived with her the last 8 yrs of her life & cared for her for the last 3 yrs. They were able to get a heartbeat, he was on ventilator and all tests everything came back to normal. I move from day to day and find some confidence that I have made it this far (although I dont really care) and other people have too. Nothing has ever hurt so much and felt so hopeless. That is strangely comforting to remember that. I know I dont want to live like this for any length of time anymore. Im trying to figure out why its hitting me again all of the sudden after so many months of thinking I was fine. I did not understand that we had such a deeper connection than others may have. We had so many dreams I wouldnt know where to start sharing them. My mom will be gone 2 years this coming May. I dont want to. Im 61 going into 2 years without my wife of 24.its still hard to cope. There is nobody you can really share the loss with, because the only other person with an equal stake in your life has gone along with all your plans and dreams. I lost my dh 1 year 10m ago too. Trying to picture myself living another 30 to 40 years without him feels impossible. Its the alone time that wrecks me. I now am stronger. Someone here on this site suggested stepping out and focusing on others in need of helpI think that could be wise. I lost mom 14 months ago. My first year I believe I was totally in shock and family members kept me busy. Anything would be better than this. Okay, I am a big baby when it comes to being in pain. I HAVE TO PUT ON A BRAVE FACE for my kids. I lost my only child Rob on Thanksgiving 2016 to a heroin overdose. My life has forever been changed I have good days and mostly sad !My best friends leaving.. really Knocked the Wind out of me. We were together for 27yrs married 19 yrs. I know the biggest star in the sky that is shining the most is you. I have been off work for a month and finding hard to cope the thing that keeps me here is my grandkids.So for me the second year is worse maybe cause l was numb because l lost so much in one month all l do at the moment is live each day hoping tomorrow will be better. Perfect grades and many friends. Ill die with it there. I feel as though I cant breathe, like it smothering me. I dreaded what I knew my heart would feel.. that horrible ache for him, missing him, his voice, his laugh, his incredible hugs. The heavy chemo treatments, drs appts, etc left me so overwhelmed at the end. I still cry for him. Im the only left to help them. Night. Im in month 25. Well, he became my rock. My personality has changed, I feel clold hearted alot,when Im warm by nature. I lost my grandfather who I was very close with. I so feel everyones painandI am so sorry, Dear Holly Just read your email and do know how you feel I as with my Husband for 59years Married for 56 of them he passed away just over a year ago, We said we would be around till we were 90 as we were never ill really enjoyed good health, Then he wasnt well one night and went to Hospital and a junior Doctor used a wrong catheter and after that he was never the same and a year later he died. He Loved life and taught me and my children to embrace it. Trying anything and everything. I can't believe that it's been almost four months since my baby Beemo passed away. I too have a friend that Ive known for over 40 years. It is different now, but not easier. I still wear my wedding ring Im never going to take it off she is my love and only no datting for me there no one out there who will replace her. Am I wrong? I lost my mom nearly 10 months ago. I wish I could say something that would make it better, but my faith tells me that the Lord has given you both a season in life, and that season has ended. I feel guilty that it doesnt; as if I am hanging on to the grief. I miss him so much. Thanks for your wirds, Ann But my children are young 27 25 and 12. But I miss my husband so much- its so hard ach and every day to continue on. I just had another cry and heart wrenching moment after 1 year and 10 months. I can talk to them. Dr was right December 10, 2016 he passed. The irony is he looked at me crying while I hold him and kiss his last breath. I lost my husband of 19 years to cancer in 2003. I understand your raw feelings and intense pain. Just remember, its not a risk to fall in love; its a risk not to, and my opinion is that it is better to have loved and lost than to have never loved at all. This week I will be starting the second year after my husbands death. I am so lonely, but not for another, but , I feel just as you do why leave me here my mother was my best friend my ladybug my diva I wake up everyday in so much pain it physically hurts Im scared of everything Im all alone it hurts like shit I cant even begin to explain. I need one that tells me when we will be together again. kyonkyon136. But it doesnt oh yes maybe the tears dont flow as much. This is a terrifying thought for the newly bereaved, to think that its not going to be a steady climb upwards in grieving and healing, and I dont share this to scare those who are in their very early days. 15 Emotional 1 Year Death Anniversary Quotes To Remember Dearest One She was 2 when he went and she is robbed of her loving gramps. What to say to a friend who lost their mom or dad - Vox Its true, I feel relief reading similar experiences. you learn to live with it, this is so true. My husband had alzheimers disease for 8 years and the past 3 years of that time were very hard, as his memory slipped away more and more. Im bipolar, which does not help. She and I would go Black Friday shopping. Two months have passed. I do have 3 friends that lost their sons the same summer as mine. Im half the person I was. The medications are harsh but necessary. Wondering if others of you who are still grieving the loss of someone you loved very much, have been attacked like this, by so called friends, or family. He battled the beast for 21 months and never complained. He was losing weight so we went to the doctor on Friday they did a CAT scan the doctor came back in with the results said he was full of cancer and all of his organs all of his main organs . it helped and still does. She never loved anyone like I did my husband, and cannot fathom why I am still grieving after all he was a very sick man and he just couldnt have lasted longer. Its been 2 years since my mom died. You feel A grieving cat may go off its food. Why? Now nearly two years later I still miss him ddearly. Jackie, your words hit the mark, I lost my husband 18 months ago, no warning just woke up to finding him taking his last breath, I called 911, started CPR after 20 min. I felt I should have paid more attention and have found the money to pay for the tests that would have shown he needed medical treatment. The first year I cried constantly, I would talk about him every moment I could and would talk to him when I drove anywhere, pretending he was sat in the passenger side of my car listening to me. It has been 18 years since I lost my husband, and I will tell you, it does get easier. Then type a formula like one of the following. Is it because the 1 year anniversary brings back intense pain & memories? Please dont do that. I have actual pain when the tears come and my grief is not abating. Yes, my husband just dropped dead at the gym nearly one year ago to the day. There he was, motionless, in the bottom of our pool. Im not as outgoing as I used to be but I find things that I enjoy and thats what I do. My husband passed away 9 months ago with out any assets but had - Avvo Rest, and take care of your body and mind, and let grief do its work. Feel your feelings, cry when you need to. Good luch everyone.. My heart goes out to all of you. The second year is hard , I dont know if its harder but definitely the break downs still happen Acceptance sits in. The numbness is gone and reality is now setting in. If I can last that long. Many days feel worse than year one. I have one regret that has sickened me this whole year, I wish with everything inside of me that I would have not let them give him the methadone and morphine but the choice was comfortable or in pain I chose comfortable not realizing that meant when they got the pain under control I nor my kids and grand-kids would never hear his voice again. Thanks for this. We had planned to do so much during his retirement which never materialised. My mom passed away July 2017, 6 months later my boyfriend passed in January 2018. Kids will find their lifes and live it. And I think of him everyday . I hope you know you've been in our thoughts and heart every day since. She stopped walking 3 months ago as her brain deterioratedkept alive with a PEG feeding tube. 100% safe for your site My husband has been gone for 5 1/2 months now and there are days I am almost immobile with the grief; I didnt even know it was possible to cry this hard or that it could actually cause physical pain to grieve. My husband has been gone since April 2018. Wanting to die in order to join the loved one. Therapy has really helped integrate my anger. I cry more and I need to shift from my lovely house. I try to be positive and move forward. I have no one to ground me to this life. I love him with all of who I am. I have not hit 2 years yet. Why am I still here? The first year after her passing was very painful, yet it was what some people called the numbing year. What that means is that Ive survived (so far) and a lot of people Ive known and loved did not. I feel them close. I have my cats but they are getting old too. Stay strong, watch the sunrise and the rainbows after the rain. I lost my wife September 8th 2017 our anniversary was to be 23 September. Again, thank you and bless you all. Either we can learn from these . My husband passed away almost 2 years ago in February and i still dont feel any different, now i have more good days than bad but im still in a lot of pain and crying and depressed because i am missing him. Just a few months away we both believe in God and his Universe. After all, pets give us unconditional love, boundless loyalty and unwavering companionship. I was only 19 when he passed away. All I can say is my best to you and sadly we are not alone in our thoughts. I lost my beloved mom on October 5, 2018. I try to be strong for everyone but cry myself to sleep most nights not sure what Im supposed to do next. It's been 6 months since my husband passed that horrible Sunday morning. If I could take all of her hurt and put it on my own heart I would. I try so hard to be strong for my children and grandchildren the pain is unbearable. If you're a writer, poet, or musician, compose something. Hi I lost my husband 15 months ago and Im so lost and empty inside I keep thinking maybe hes not really dead and is just taking time out on his way home from work he had a cardiac arrest we have 5 kids 3 older and two under 12 we were together for 25 years he was also my best friend we went through so much together I have a mental illness and from the good and bad times he was the I had a court case 11 months after he died he never got to see the outcome and after been together for so long 3 years ago with him by my side I decided to do it I wish he could have been there free dealing with things and been my my side I feel so guilty that at the time he needed me most I wasnt there for him also he was never sick I miss him so so much my heart and my body physically hurt . I am lost. Things are familiar, but not clear, not altogether solid. Biden's order included a 60-day review. Ann, Im so sorry for every ones lost,,Im to. And i am a non violent wwoman! Christmas, Easter, my birthday, and now most recently we just suffered a loss five days ago, Thanksgiving, the last holiday not colored by the death of someone special to me. My wife passed away just over 2 yrs ago. wishing id been around more. so tight that only death could break it.And it did. This breaks my heart to read. He told me, thats how you cope with grief, you need to talk about it over & over until finally you stop. I lost my husband of 42 year suddenly 15 months ago. I too lost a beloved Uncle in May 2020, not from Covid19, quite suddenly. Boys seeing so sad. Im very tired of it all. Its hard for me to keep a job or any type of relationship. But expectations are a big part of our mindset, even when were not in the stages of grief. The first year, I was in a fog, very forgetful, sad, depressed & feeling lost. I have an idea. Your post is spot on and so true and give me hope and comfort knowing I am right where I need to be. I am a shell of what I was to never return to the happy go lucky-good guy I was because of my wife. Praying for us all. I keep saying to myself I should have and could have done more to help her. Many have been let down by those around them therefore turning to an animal for unconditional love and company and as a confidante. My friends were there for us but- after a month or so, they go back to their own lives- and I totally get it!! Why Do Health Officials Suggest Getting COVID-19 Booster Shot After 8 I now regret it because little did I know he was grieving also, but I never knew because he was being strong for me. It will be two years this month. Susan passed away suddenly and unexpectedly. Its an ongoing struggle every day. Theres a spot right around where my heart is that just aches and aches and aches. I am at peace with him being gone, I just miss him like none other. Life is not always what we want it to be and it is hard to comprehend and put into words just how you feel. Dont listen to anyone who says you are depressed and need therapy! I am a musician I play guitar a song that I came across hit me like bricks its called, Something You Get Though by Willie Nelson look it up. "The life of the dead is placed in the heart of the living" - Cicero. Sounds like me. My heart goes out to all of those who have left comments in this thread. I have also lost my fear of flying since my husband died on November 14, 2018. I am just that a misfit. We get together once or twice a week and have made no plans for a future together. Hello, I lost my husband May 2015 suddenly and we have a small child who is now 5. We had plans to move to a Sr. G-Eazy Honors Late Mom With Song "Angel" 5 Months After Her Death It has given me some techniques to address when a wave hits to create some space to be able to take a breath. We experience the acute phase of grief, or the moment right after passing.